OH MY GOD! THERE’S A MIRACLE PILL!

Just kidding.  Now that I have your attention, I thought it would be best to bring up and discuss a few things.

Dr. Oz is full of shit.  The guy has been discredited multiple times, and had to go to court for his claims on weight loss products.  He even admitted his claims were not backed by any science.  I understand the idea of having sponsors, and discussing the products on TV to sell said product.  It’s how product placements work, and it’s how popular shows keep cash flow coming in for the stars and the network, without having to fork out fuckloads of cash.

By the way, have you tried Brawndo, and his amazing cousin Powerthirst energy drinks?  They are fantastic!  Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

Yeah, that’s how product placement works.  And honestly, it’s just that fucking stupid to me when people tell me about these “amazing and awesome products that actually work” with no science behind any of it.

**Side note**  Most of the “miracle” pills you see advertised on TV that tell you they work, ever notice it’s on an American based channel?  That’s because there are only two countries that allow it (That’s right. ‘Murica, fuck yea!)  That’s how bad it actually is to do.  And anyone that says there are not a lot of side effects is full of shit.  With those pills, there is always a danger.  Trust me here.  I bought into a lof of that shit a while back, and fucked myself up for a while.  How so?  My heart fucking stopped.  This is why we can not stress this enough: SEE YOUR FUCKING DOCTOR. I was fortunate that I was around friends that helped me (it’s kind of a funny yet freaky story for another time) and that’s why I am here today.  We have experienced the problems and are lucky to be here to tell you this stuff.

But hear me now when I say this with the utmost clarity and truth: There is no miracle pill that will make you lose the weight.  So stop buying useless products.  You’re wasting your money.  Don’t get me wrong, there are certain stacks (don’t do them unless you know a large portion about said products, as well as the effects on people.  And especially without consulting your doctor) and even then, they don’t “make you skinny”.  They assist in regulating certain things, and feature products with different intended purposes that work together to enhance energy, endurance and recovery.  But for everything we are telling you, YOU WON’T NEED THEM.  They are more something worth researching because it’s an interesting aspect of the field, and not really something you need anyways (like I said, not for the purposes we are doing, not yet anyways).  As well, unless you’re planning on getting into fitness competitions, you don’t need them.

Those “magic”pills are primarily made up of the same “special proprietary blend of ingredients”.  It’s mostly all the same base items in varying amounts, that really don’t do anything special.  It’s much easier (and cheaper) taking them on their own instead of in pill form.  “What are they?” you are frantically asking? For the most part, its regular items you see everyday, and sometimes use a fancier sciencey term for it.  Others are new age “miracles”.  Some include:

    • Capsicum/Capsaicin: Which is mostly Cayenne Pepper/Chili Powder.  Add that shit to your food people, gives you flavor.
    • Garcinia Cambogia:  When you see works like “…fail to replicate this…” in studies, skip it.  Next.
    • Hoodia:  Next.

 

 
There are so many more items that I could list, but would be here all fucking day.  The bottom line is, there is NO MIRACLE PILL that will cause you to lose weight (speed might, but that gets pricey, is supplied by some terrible people for the most part, and is, well, highly illegal).  The best way to do it is to get off your ass and work for this kids.  How badly do you want to see your son or daughter graduate?  Or get married?  Or grandchildren?

We all have our reasons for doing this.  I just want to give you the truth from someone that has and is suffering through it, so you don’t make the mistakes I did.

High Protein Sugar-Free Jello

Yes, it’s awesome, and yes, that’s a shitty picture. It’s jello in a bowl, what do you expect from me?

The texture is just like regular jello, except almost a little bit creamy. It’s really good though. I suggest making it with slightly less water than recommended on the box, as it gets a bit soft and sloppy if you use the amount they suggest.

This is excellent as a snack that is pretty hard to eat too much of, or as a guilt-free dessert for those of you who still have guilt about things.

I’m working on a DIY version with gelatin that can be made in bulk.

Ingredients:
1 box sugar free jello, any flavour
3/4 cup boiling water
3/4 cup cold water
1 scoop whey powder

I did 4x this recipe. Half of it was breakfast, and delicious.

Make the jello as per the directions on the box.
Whisk in whey powder immediately before putting the jello in the fridge.
Let set.
Eat.

Per portion (this will vary slightly depending on your whey):
Carb: 2g
Fat: 7g
Fibre: 0g
Protein: 29g
Calories: 162

The thing they don’t tell you about getting lean

Something that most people don’t tell you about getting really lean: it takes longer and requires losing more weight than you planned, if you’ve never been super lean before.

Getting from fat to not-fat takes about as long as you’d expect, and can generally be planned out within an order of magnitude. The second part takes twice as long as you plan, even if you account for it taking twice as long. Kinda like Hofstadter’s law.

I’m on my journey to sub 10% body fat – looking for those sweet, sweet abs that men always think will get them laid more. Of course, unless you’re on the beach, by the time she sees you without a shirt on, she’s already decided to sleep with you.

Anyways, I was initially expecting to take 4 months to get to 10ish%, with a two month maintenance phase at the end before a big event.

But life doesn’t work like that. I’ve lost weight slower than I planned initially, to keep my mood stable for work so I don’t shank someone.

I was also apparently carrying a fairly significant amount more bodyfat than would be guessed by the eyeball-meter. Which means that I have had to lose a fair bit more weight than I had expected, and will probably end up about 10-15lb lighter than I had planned.

Every time I step on the scale and see the number go down a bit I get a bit of a thrill seeing that what I am doing is working, and a little bit of the thought “Should I stop? I can’t remember the last time I was this light… high school, probably.”

This is a little scary, but that’s the way life goes. And it’s a pretty good problem to have.

But, because I’ve allowed myself a two month buffer, there’s a good chance I will be in the shape I want by the big event. And I’m even starting a ten day diet break tomorrow, to help keep my body from getting too unhappy with me.

Where would I be if I hadn’t started when I did? Probably nowhere. Just like you. So get off your ass and start today.

Peanut Butter Banana Fluff!

Ice Cream Without The Guilt!

 

Who doesn’t like a little fluff in their life?  Lincoln and I were talking not long ago about desserts that can be eaten when watching calories and this was one that popped up.  It was something I had made before, but had no name to put to it, not until Lincoln had called it protein fluff.

It’s a delicious little healthy treat that is easy as hell to make, even if you have never really cooked very much.  All you need is a food processor (a blender works just the same, but the processor is easier to clean, and you get less waste).

There are several other variations of this that you can make, but this one is probably my favorite, at least from what I have tried making so far.  I based this on a 10 serving recipe, as its more of a treat item than anything else.

Ingredients:

  • 3 Bananas, Frozen
  • 1 1/2 Cups Peanut Butter
  • 1/2 Cup Vanilla Almond Milk
  • 4 Scoops Vanilla Protein Powder (I prefer chocolate for this though)

Method:

  1. Cut frozen bananas into small chunks.  This allows it to blend more easily.
  2. Place protein, peanut butter and bananas in processor and blend.  Slowly add almond milk until smooth.
  3. Enjoy.

Yep. That easy.  It’s high in protein, and is just awesome.

Nutrition:

  • Calories: 299
  • Total Fat: 19 g
  • Total Carbs: 19 g
  • Dietary Fiber: 3 g
  • Protein: 19 g

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.  I’ll post different variations of this over time, especially as I try new variations of it.