But I have a medical condition!

Ok then. In this case, you ARE actually a special snowflake. A special snowflake that needs to talk to a medical doctor, preferably one that specializes in whatever your medical condition is.

We are just random assholes on the internet, and I know that this will come as a surprise to many of the people reading this [Hi Mom!], but we are NOT doctors. Not even the kind that got PhD’s in basket weaving just so people would have to call us doctor.

My educational background is in mechanical engineering, process improvement, hard alcohol, and the culinary arts. House was raised by wolves and never went to real school and is not qualified to talk about anything except food and being a fat ass.

So go seek actual medical help. Note: contrary to popular belief, neither the Internet at large nor WebMD is a doctor either.

Actually, you should probably go see your doctor anyways. When’s the last time you went in for a check-up? Isn’t it about time? Yeah, I thought so. Don’t worry, we’ll still be here when you get back.

Odds are pretty good that your doctor will tell you something like “try to eat mostly things that are identifiable as coming somewhat recently from plants or animals, and try not to sit on your ass all the time.” Which also happens to really be what most good fitness advice boils down to. Still. Go talk to them before you make any changes to anything in your life ever. If you try to do anything we talk about on this website, you will probably die a slow and painful death and we will take no responsibility for it.

Now back to your regularly scheduled free-floating hostility.

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